“I did tell you that last year was kind of special to me”. He looks my way in search of confirmation, which I give to him. He continues: “you know what my work represents for me, as you have the same devotion for yours. But as you probably know, it can also feel lonely sometimes… Well, often in my case. Unlike you, I struggle to find passion in anything else”. I interrupt him to say I don’t believe that. I haven’t seen anyone being that passionate about sports and nature, but most of all just being so fixed on doing better every time, challenging themselves. Maybe too much in his case, when even doing a puzzle has to be a competition, since it has to be done the fastest way possible, with a stopwatch to ensure that. But I actually like this trait about him. It makes him special, to me anyway. Though, the only thing going out of my mouth while thinking this is: “Why would you think that?”. He shrugs in response, then says: “Maybe because my work is the only thing really useful that I do”. My compassion must have shown because he ends up saying: “I see that you don’t agree Louise, thank you for your consideration, as always. But as you also tell me all the time, a feeling can’t be false. And this is what I feel.” I smile at him in validation. Here he is now, using my words to make a point. How could I ever disagree with him on this?
“I always thought something was missing in my life and I figured it might be love”. “Love?” dare I ask. “Yes, someone to share life with. Someone to be passionate about”. He stares at me, shocked to be the one that as to explain this concept to me. I may have showed him before how passionate I am about everything, and particularly love. I smile briefly before thinking of his ex-girlfriend. Was she what he hoped, at least for a moment? He sees me thinking and answers the question he didn’t even hear. “I was wrong, maybe not in what I wanted, but surely in the person I tried to find it with.”
“You see, I want to evolve in my career. I want to do something of my life, something that matters. She actually was ready to wait for me, accept my ambitions; but I don’t want someone to just wait”. “But what do you want then?” He looks at me like I asked the most meaningful question he ever heard. And I look at him as if he was just going to answer: “you”. We stare at each other for some time without saying anything. He then smiles sincerely, shrugs again and says: “If only I knew for sure”. I smile back, lowering my gaze, thinking of that suspended moment. Then, I realise that nothing he said was related to something really dark about him. I figure he did not understand my half-asked question earlier. I hesitate to inquire again. Maybe I counted on his usual foresight too much. Especially when his ability is enabled most of the time for stuff that are about me. Should I remind him what he said in that letter?
Without concerting, we find each other’s hands and tie them together. I drag my thumb on his, back and forth, gently. I want him to feel comfortable enough to be able to confide in me. So, I put my head on his shoulder. He seems surprised but doesn’t move. I say softly “I’m here for you, you know”. I hear him smile, and he lowers his head to join mine. We stay like this for a few minutes, enjoying the sun and each other’s company in the most peaceful silence.
Wilaukee S.