"Hey, do you have your gear, are you ready to go?" Said my romantic interest of the moment. Actually, he doesn't know how much intense my feelings are toward him, as I don't even know myself. The thing is that when someone is on paper the opposite of you and shouldn't even interest you in any regard, but in reality, they desperately do; you try all you can not to fall in love. That's what I'm trying to do. Not to fall, not to let my guard down or everything inside show. The guy in question is the most beautiful man I ever got the chance to encounter. Inside and out. We laugh a lot, we talk a lot, and we are fond of each other, a lot in my case for sure. But the man is in an important time of his life…
He needs to refocus on himself, to pursue his dreams and I'm so supportive of that. Even if it means nothing can happen between us meanwhile. Because I know what it takes in you to follow and achieve life goals. I had to fight my way to becoming a nurse. I had to fight myself, my doubts, my imposter syndrome and depression. So, what kind of a narcissistic woman I'd be if I tried to get in the way of someone's dream. More so if that person is him.
In spite of it all, we can't just ignore each other. It seems like we weirdly appeal each other not to be too far and not too close at the same time. So, we started to write each other letters. Yes, letters like our grandparents use to do to get to know one another. Like how my grandpa who was a Paris firefighter stayed in touch with my grandma living at five hundred kilometres. Oh, because of course, we leave far away, further than my grandparents used to, in their young years.
We wrote several times before deciding to see each other again. Five months had passed from the day I met him. So handsome in his New Year’s Eve garments, teasing me almost harder than I did already, while we did barely know our names yet.
And here we are now, preparing ourselves to hike on a huge mountain in the Alps, to trek in hights, sweating our way there. So very romantic… But it is for him. I came to understand with time that dust and mud was a huge turn on for him, loving living out of what nature gives him on the mountain side. It was no surprise to my friends then when I purchased what I needed to survive in the woods, to let him teach me how to be so handy and at ease in the nature.
Don't get me wrong, I am kind of an adventurous person. In fact, I went to discover a country that I didn't know before, for months, on a whim a few years ago. It was an amazing experience, but I must be honest though, I would never have done it without online maps and comfort of hostels. I absolutely have no idea how to use a compass, nor to build a shelter from scratch, neither a good contained woodfire. I had a lot to learn, and I wanted to. Of course, the idea of learning with him was furthermore pleasant.
"I was born ready" I responded, obviously exaggerating and hoping for him not to notice any of my anxiousness. It's not that I was scared of what I was going to achieve, I'd never ascended this trail before, but I've done other hard sporty stuff, I knew I was capable. But I didn't know what it meant to him. I was anxious about the night we would spend together at last. Like, how would it be? Would it be hot and sexy, nice and platonic, or just awkward and breaking the thread of a yet to be a story between us?
I shook my questions out with my head. That would be matters for another time, whenever we would have climbed these thousand meters of steep incline.
Wilaukee S.